Talk:Michel Ordener

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Michel Ordener/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Ucucha 18:42, 27 June 2010 (UTC) Looking good in general, but some points:

• "a general of division"—not "general of a division"?
• "Chasseurs a Cheval"—not "Chasseurs à Cheval"?
  • fixed
• What's an equerry?
  • linked and explained in lead, linked and explained in text
• "Chateau de Vincennes"—not Château?
  • fixed.
• "ladies in waiting"—is that (as opposed to "ladies-in-waiting") a correct spelling?
  • I think ladies in waiting is an acceptable, but I used the other.
• Doesn't the "honorably" in the quote from the eulogy refer to the mourning in the original French, not to the recognition as in the English?
  • I'm not sure. What did you think?
    • I tried translating the whole quote separately, and this is what I got: "It is not because of simple regrets and because of honorable mourning that we must recognize the services of a warrior who has dedicated his whole life to his fatherland and his prince. Let us give public testimony to his virtues, to his merit, to all the qualities that have made him esteemed by the Emperor and that have rendered him dear to his friends and to his family. Let us praise him today at least, because his modesty can no longer prevent us, and let us not fear to offend a virtue that he has loved so much during his life." Do with it what you will. Ucucha 06:15, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll use yours, since your French is better than mine. auntieruth (talk) 20:07, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
        • I doubt it. Ucucha 05:35, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
• In the French, is it really "estimer" and not "estimé"? Also, is it really "de'effenser" instead of "d'effenser" and "aimée" instead of "aimé"?
  • Yes: estimer. Yes: de'effenser Yes: aimée. Look here. I tried to be very careful about the transcription (I'm not so good on translation, so wanted to be careful of the translation.
• "Madeleine-Francoise"—not "Madeleine-Françoise"?
  • fixed.
• "He also took part in an expedition to Spain, where he engaged in the invasion of Portugal."—needs rewording; I know what you mean, but an expedition to Spain which invaded Portugal sounds like he got lost.
  • Yes, I understand. Clarified.
• What did he enlist in when he was 18? The lead says "Prince Conde's Legion" and the body "Conde's Legion", but the article Conde does not make clear what this was.
  • • • Conde was the King's cousin (I've added that). Within that, he was in a regiment of Dragoons. See if it's clearer now. auntieruth (talk) 20:07, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
• The body does not mention (as the lead does) that he was of plebeian origins, and indeed it has nothing about his early life. Is there anything to tell?
  • well, it did briefly when talking about the son, but I've added more. There isn't much on his father (very much a commoner)
• Particularly at the start of the career section, I read a lot of battles and campaigns without any context. I know it's easy to get off-topic by adding too much detail, but perhaps say where the battles where (country) and against whose armies he fought?
  • See if that makes more sense.

Ucucha 18:42, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

• In the quote from Napoleon, there are a few more French words that look odd, but that may be archaic spellings: jeuene (not "jeune"?), a (not "à"?), cinqu not ("cinq"?). Ucucha 06:06, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
  • I don't have the book any more. But as I said, I was careful with the transcription. auntieruth (talk) 20:33, 30 June 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the fixes. I am passing this article as a GA now. Ucucha 05:35, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

Two details to be fixed

Hello, there are two small errors in the parts re the campaigns in Austria and Prussia. First, it is saying that Ordener led a brigade of horse grenadiers of the Imperial Guard. Second is saying that Ordener commanded a division of the Guard in 1806. Actually, Ordener commanded the Grenadiers-a-cheval regiment (under the overall command of Jean-Baptiste Bessieres who was commander of the cavalry of the Guard) in 1805 and retired from active service on December 25 1805. As this is referenced text, I cannot touch it, but I suspect that upon checking the source, you will be able to correct it. If not, I can provide some sound sources and we can replace the current ones. --Alexandru Demian (talk) 14:11, 17 July 2010 (UTC)