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It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously.
|This page in a nutshell: Your opinions are The Truth, and thus are unquestionably correct.|
The Truth is a unique force in the universe. The Truth is true. However, despite its inarguable power, acceptance of The Truth is not yet universal. Indeed, foolish or corrupt editors may try to remove The Truth from Wikipedia. Here are some guidelines on how to identify The Truth, and how to deal with those who deny its truthiness. There is only the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Characteristics of The Truth
It is sometimes hard for the uninitiated to differentiate between simple facts or opinions and The Truth. Some defining characteristics of The Truth include:
- The Truth, unlike an opinion, is not open to reasonable debate. Any reasonable person presented with The Truth will agree with it – usually immediately, and with the expressions of true delight that traditionally accompany the revelation of The Truth to all reasonable people, but occasionally after a charming but brief hesitation, so that it can be claimed later that the reasonable person truly did think it over rationally and isn't the least bit fickle – and so it is nearly a tautology to state that any debate or resistance must be unreasonable.
- The Truth will encounter great opposition. Normally, unreasonable people can be placated with unreasonable arguments, and this should be tried. The Truth, however, will be vehemently opposed by nearly everyone, due to the unreasonable number of unreasonable people in this world; therefore, opposition from many people is clear evidence that you come bearing The Truth. Do not feel discouraged when you are the sole bearer of The Truth. Eventually, reasonable people will come to agree with The Truth, and although you may have to bully many unreasonable people away, The Truth will be written in Wikipedia.
- The Truth is appropriate everywhere. Mere facts can sometimes be irrelevant, such as the molecular structure of a lettuce leaf in an article on Albanian politics. But The Truth is always relevant, and should be included everywhere that text can be put.
- The Truth does not require verification through reliable sources. That sort of thing may be necessary for mere "facts", but we're talking about The Truth here, people! If the source doesn't agree with The Truth, then it's obviously not reliable anyway.
- The Truth is best communicated through repetition. The first attempts to insert The Truth into Wikipedia are often met with resistance in the form of three-letter acronyms and references to "policy" and "consensus". When other editors oppose The Truth in such a manner, the most likely explanation is that they have not heard it repeated frequently enough.
- The Truth will cause the blinders to fall from your eyes, whereupon you will fall to your knees and weep. Conversely, those who refuse to see The Truth are death choosers and will always devalue life.
- The Truth takes no pronouns in any language, because The Truth is cool like that.
- Though everyone thinks they know The Truth, nobody actually knows The Truth. Except you. And me.
Defenders of The Truth
Obviously, The Truth needs defenders. These noble souls, who fly in the face of "consensus" and "verifiability", refuse to kneel to the power of disagreement, knowing that in the end The Truth will prevail. The best Defenders of The Truth will repeatedly make the same argument that The Truth is correct, hoping some will come to find the error of their ways and repent to support The Truth. After a couple days of doing this, enough people should have converted to The Truth that there is no question it will stay. This is the ideal situation for The Truth.
Remember, nobody believed Albert Einstein, Galileo, or Marie Curie at first, either. You are exactly like those people. Only righter. Especially if you are correcting their obvious errors.
Opposers of The Truth
However, not everyone is willing to understand The Truth. There are some who will oppose The Truth eternally, and you must be aware of certain things about them.
- They will probably try to have a reasoned argument with you. However, the first characteristic of The Truth dictates that this is logically impossible. Therefore, they must be irrational people, and no purpose is served in interacting with them in any way (although a light scoff may make you feel better). You can safely ignore the people who do this, and continue with your method of repeating the same argument in the face of irrational opposition. The Truth only needs one argument!
- They may demonstrate that everyone disagrees with you. This is likely to be true, but make sure to maintain indifference! If you're trying to bring The Truth somewhere, then clearly it doesn't already exist there. And if it doesn't exist, then there must logically be a cabal obstructing it. Most cabals are so sneaky that no possible investigation will prove their existence! So, just remember, anyone who opposes The Truth is unreasonable or part of a cabal, and both groups of people can safely be dismissed. Try that light scoff again.
- If they caballed their way through RFA, they may use their rollback tool to revert you faster, and they may even block you! If you are blocked while contributing The Truth, you should make a couple hundred sockpuppets, preferably with names like WikipediaIsCensorship, ImRightAndYoureWrong, or EndTheEvilAdminCabal. Now, use most of these accounts making complaints to WP:ANI or various admins' talk pages about your block. After that, file an Arbcom case against the admin who blocked you, all editors who disagreed with you, and anyone who reverted your ANI postings. Make sure to involve all your sockpuppets in the arbitration proceedings, either to provide support for your side or to make the other side look stupid. Also remember to reserve a few; that way, in case YOU end up banned instead, a mysterious and unbiased editor can show up a week later and note what a huge injustice it was.
Philosophers of The Truth
In October 2011, a working group requested comment from other editors on whether to change the first sentence of Wikipedia's verifiability policy, resulting in a lengthy and lively discussion. A section was added to the discussion seeking to bring a broader perspective to the table in light of one editor's head nearly exploding from wading at length through the discussion's vitriol and arguendo ad nauseam. The comment is presented here to show that, truly, finding the shelter of an artful dodgerism approach to The Truth can be helpful when it's time to take a breath from The Truth:
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."
— Oscar Wilde
"Veracity does not consist in saying,
but in the intention of communicating truth."
— Samuel Coleridge
"Nay, but We hurl the true against the false,
and it doth break its head and lo! it vanisheth."
"The truth is always a compound of two half-truths, and
you never reach it, because there is always something more to say."
— Tom Stoppard
"So very difficult a matter is it to trace
and find out the truth of anything by history."
"Whoever has even once become notorious by base fraud,
even if he speaks the truth, gains no belief."
— Phaedrus (fabulist)
"I heard the little bird say so."
— Jonathan Swift
"Truth is generally the best vindication against slander."
— Abraham Lincoln
"That a lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies;
... But a lie which is part a truth is a harder matter to fight."
— Alfred, Lord Tennyson
"Whoever undertakes to set themselves up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
— Albert Einstein
"I cannot tell how the truth may be;
I say the tale as twas said to me."
— Walter Scott
"And after all, what is a lie?
Tis but The truth in masquerade."
— Lord Byron
"Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather,
'I have found a truth.'"
— Khalil Gibran
"Trust, but Verify."
— Trust, but verify
"Grook: The Overdoers
Truth shall emerge from the interplay
of attitudes freely debated
Don't be misled by fanatics who say
that only one truth should be stated:
truth is constructed in such a way
that it can't be exaggerated."
— Piet Hein (scientist)
- How to win a revert war
- Wikipedia:Beware of the tigers
- Wikipedia:The Last Word
- Wikipedia:The Most Important Thing Possible
- The universe does not revolve around you
- m:How to win an argument
- m:The Wrong Version