Wikipedia:Peer review/Japan/archive1

Japan[edit]

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WoodElf

I found it comprehensive and informative, with no obvious gaps. I enjoyed the later sections more as they provided a summary with just enough detail - the history and economy sections were somewhat dense, with the history section in particular employing a great number of Japanese terms that could perhaps be rendered with English equivalents (leaving the Japanese terms for the main article). Links need examining - there are some useless links (such as to Diet) and some overlinking of the same term (world power,Diet again, country names). Citations are lacking. There are sweeping statements made with nothing to back them up. I've highlighted a few and some were already tagged, but I'd advise a good run through checking for contentious statements. Harmonisation between this article and the break out articles needs to take place or the tags need removing if this has been done.The accuracy disputes obviously need resolving - I haven't looked into that in detail, but if you are having trouble resolving it and want an impartial and mostly uninformed view just ask and I'll give you my opinion. Overall though, a good read. Some more specific comments:
- Decide whether to use "U.S." or "US"
- "Its culture today is a mixture of outside and internal influences" -awkward phrasing after the well-written lead
- "...characterized by a mesolithic to neolithic..." - "mesolithic to neolithic" not necessary here, you've already said it was around 10,000 BC
- "Historians, however, believe the first emperor who actually existed was Emperor Ōjin, though the date of his reign is uncertain." - needs citation
- Shogun would benefit from a brief explanation aside from the wikilink, as it is used extensively
- "This has often considered to be the height of Japan's medieval culture." - citation needed
- "The war cost millions of lives in Japan and other countries, especially in East Asia..." - does "other countries, especially in East Asia" have any relevance here? It also cost lives in Europe and Africa, so unless there is a reason for the reference to other countries it should be dropped.
- "In academic studies, Japan is generally considered a constitutional monarchy, based largely upon..." - somewhat weaselly
- "Although his official status is disputed, on diplomatic occasions the emperor effectively acts as the head of state." - citation needed
- The section on Law would perhaps be better directly following the section on the Prime Minister - there is a bit of repetiton from earlier sections here which could be cut out by moving it up
- The image of the prefectures of Japan would benefit from a key for the numbers
- "In addition, about 3,000 smaller islands may be counted in the full extent of the archipelago." - may be, or are? If "may be" explain why (are these some of the disputed territories?)
- "Recently, Japanese companies have begun to abandon some of these norms in an attempt to increase profitability." - citation needed
- " There are very few countries in the world, if any, that can match Japan..." - make a decision or rephrase it
- There is repetition between the Industrial sector and Science and technology sections
- The Infrastructure section is somewhat cursory and with undue weight given to the the differing power transmissions
- There are some subsections under Demographics that I don't think belong there - Health and Language - both discuss more general areas of these subjects than just the demographics
- Is judo a traditional budo martial art? Maybe aikido or ju-jitsu would be better here, or some mention of judo as a sport.
- "Shogi and go are popular board games." - out of place in the budo paragraph

Hope this helps. Yomangani ^talk 23:45, 3 September 2006 (UTC)

Thank you Yomangani for your detailed analysis. Obviously, editing the article following these suggestions will take time. Rest assured, i will definitely look into the matter. A grateful WoodElf 08:16, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

[1] I found it comprehensive and informative, with no obvious gaps. I enjoyed the later sections more as they provided a summary with just enough detail - the history and economy sections were somewhat dense, with the history section in particular employing a great number of Japanese terms that could perhaps be rendered with English equivalents (leaving the Japanese terms for the main article). Links need examining - there are some useless links (such as to Diet) and some overlinking of the same term (world power,Diet again, country names). Citations are lacking. There are sweeping statements made with nothing to back them up. I've highlighted a few and some were already tagged, but I'd advise a good run through checking for contentious statements. Harmonisation between this article and the break out articles needs to take place or the tags need removing if this has been done.The accuracy disputes obviously need resolving - I haven't looked into that in detail, but if you are having trouble resolving it and want an impartial and mostly uninformed view just ask and I'll give you my opinion. Overall though, a good read. Some more specific comments:
Decide whether to use "U.S." or "US"

"Its culture today is a mixture of outside and internal influences" -awkward phrasing after the well-written lead

"...characterized by a mesolithic to neolithic..." - "mesolithic to neolithic" not necessary here, you've already said it was around 10,000 BC

"Historians, however, believe the first emperor who actually existed was Emperor Ōjin, though the date of his reign is uncertain." - needs citation

Shogun would benefit from a brief explanation aside from the wikilink, as it is used extensively

"This has often considered to be the height of Japan's medieval culture." - citation needed

"The war cost millions of lives in Japan and other countries, especially in East Asia..." - does "other countries, especially in East Asia" have any relevance here? It also cost lives in Europe and Africa, so unless there is a reason for the reference to other countries it should be dropped.

"In academic studies, Japan is generally considered a constitutional monarchy, based largely upon..." - somewhat weaselly

"Although his official status is disputed, on diplomatic occasions the emperor effectively acts as the head of state." - citation needed

The section on Law would perhaps be better directly following the section on the Prime Minister - there is a bit of repetiton from earlier sections here which could be cut out by moving it up

The image of the prefectures of Japan would benefit from a key for the numbers

"In addition, about 3,000 smaller islands may be counted in the full extent of the archipelago." - may be, or are? If "may be" explain why (are these some of the disputed territories?)

"Recently, Japanese companies have begun to abandon some of these norms in an attempt to increase profitability." - citation needed

" There are very few countries in the world, if any, that can match Japan..." - make a decision or rephrase it

There is repetition between the Industrial sector and Science and technology sections

The Infrastructure section is somewhat cursory and with undue weight given to the the differing power transmissions

There are some subsections under Demographics that I don't think belong there - Health and Language - both discuss more general areas of these subjects than just the demographics

Is judo a traditional budo martial art? Maybe aikido or ju-jitsu would be better here, or some mention of judo as a sport.

"Shogi and go are popular board games." - out of place in the budo paragraph

[2] Decide whether to use "U.S." or "US"

[3] "Its culture today is a mixture of outside and internal influences" -awkward phrasing after the well-written lead

[4] "...characterized by a mesolithic to neolithic..." - "mesolithic to neolithic" not necessary here, you've already said it was around 10,000 BC

[5] "Historians, however, believe the first emperor who actually existed was Emperor Ōjin, though the date of his reign is uncertain." - needs citation

[6] Shogun would benefit from a brief explanation aside from the wikilink, as it is used extensively

[7] "This has often considered to be the height of Japan's medieval culture." - citation needed

[8] "The war cost millions of lives in Japan and other countries, especially in East Asia..." - does "other countries, especially in East Asia" have any relevance here? It also cost lives in Europe and Africa, so unless there is a reason for the reference to other countries it should be dropped.

[9] "In academic studies, Japan is generally considered a constitutional monarchy, based largely upon..." - somewhat weaselly

[10] "Although his official status is disputed, on diplomatic occasions the emperor effectively acts as the head of state." - citation needed

[11] The section on Law would perhaps be better directly following the section on the Prime Minister - there is a bit of repetiton from earlier sections here which could be cut out by moving it up

[12] The image of the prefectures of Japan would benefit from a key for the numbers

[13] "In addition, about 3,000 smaller islands may be counted in the full extent of the archipelago." - may be, or are? If "may be" explain why (are these some of the disputed territories?)

[14] "Recently, Japanese companies have begun to abandon some of these norms in an attempt to increase profitability." - citation needed

[15] " There are very few countries in the world, if any, that can match Japan..." - make a decision or rephrase it

[16] There is repetition between the Industrial sector and Science and technology sections

[17] The Infrastructure section is somewhat cursory and with undue weight given to the the differing power transmissions

[18] There are some subsections under Demographics that I don't think belong there - Health and Language - both discuss more general areas of these subjects than just the demographics

[19] Is judo a traditional budo martial art? Maybe aikido or ju-jitsu would be better here, or some mention of judo as a sport.

[20] "Shogi and go are popular board games." - out of place in the budo paragraph