|This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous.
Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.
|This page in a nutshell: If your EPD is lower than 50, then you are a failure at Wikipedia. Despair!
EPD, or edits per day, is the most important number for Wikipedia editors, more than what MPH and MPG are for a car. Take an average of your EPD over a 3-day, 5-day, 7-day, or 14-day period. If this number falls below 50 per day, consider taking a wikibreak. Or leave, because you are a failure!
If you edit too much, you might purposely stop editing for a day to prove that you are not a geek, even if it means editing with an IP. But if you do it with an IP, stay clear of controversial articles because people may mistake hiding your addiction as sockpuppetry.
|This section in a nutshell: Your EPD is more valuable than you.
Admins, pay attention. Your EPD should remain relatively high—over 9000. This rule also applies to wannabe admins. A total edit-count of at least 572,017 is recommended before putting in an RfA. New editors, take note: If you want the community's trust and respect, don't make good constructive edits. Instead, increase your total edit count and EPD with useless edits, and one day you may be an admin, possibly even a bureaucrat.
EPD may one day rank alongside total edit counts as a key determiner of an editor's dedication to Wikipedia, but it's already the most important number for evaluating your and other editor's worth.
If you want to be in the ArbCom, being an administrator is not a joking matter as jokers will not become Arbitrators unless they are tricky.
|This section in a nutshell: Don't believe them.
Some cabal members will want to put these ideas into your head. They don't want more admins on Wikipedia because they would have to share their dread powers, initiating you into the dark secrets of their order. Among other brainwashing techniques, they'll try to convince you that you are a victim of a serious illness known as editcountitis. Ignore their ill advice; their lies are meant to weaken your resolve and hinder your ascendancy into wiki-godhood. Keep hitting that "Save page" button as often as you can. Don't forget the rollback and undo buttons!
|This section in a nutshell: Encyclopedias are boring and Wikipedia is not, further irrefutable and logically-sound proof that Wikipedia isn't one.
The goal of Wikipedia is building an article-editing community where the editor with the greatest number of edits gets all the girls (Oh yeah!). Editors may then be crowned as royalty, and eventually ascend to divinity. Any rumours you have heard about creating the best encyclopedia ever are lies disseminated by the foolish enemies of Wikipedia. If the great Jimbo had wanted to make this website an encyclopedia, then he would have stated very clearly the purpose of this and created a few basic principles guiding us to do so. Just keep in mind what Jimbo Wales's primary occupation was prior to Wikipedia.
|This section in a nutshell: Twinkle rules.
Remember, Twinkle is not a tool to help editors fight vandalism. It's actually a tool designed to effortlessly increase your EPD by making inadequate reversals on newcomers that try to help to improve Wikipedia. Never stop to check if the user's edits could have been improved and added to the article. Steamrolling for no reason all contributions by a well intentioned user and blanket-warning them will not cause them unnecessary stress, or to leave Wikipedia. Helping new editors to become valuable contributors to Wikipedia is an unnecessary waste of time on your road to bureaucracy and to sitting to the right of Jimbo.
You can find more EPD-increasing tools on Category:Wikipedia EPD-increasing tools.
|This section in a nutshell: Huggle is the ultimate EPD increasing tool!!!
If your EPD is falling and you can't find anything to revert, then get Huggle! Now you have several hundred recent edits you can look through and revert at bot-like speeds! Don't forget: for the new users (who must be bitten to death!!! Remember: warn, warn, warn, warn, report, block!), you can even nominate for speedy deletion newly created pages that haven't had a chance to grow! Remember, EPD above all else! That seat to the right of Jimbo ain't coming by itself. It's attracted by very high EPD!!! Note that this requires Rollback.
|This section in a nutshell: Rollback is better than Twinkle or Huggle, but not both combined!
In the early days of Wikipedia, only admins were trusted with this tool. Why? Because it's like a chaingun in terms of EPD!!! Good-faith edits can be annihilated in seconds with this tool! But here's the thing: Admins can grant this tool to other users with a high EPD. Now get out there and get to unnecessarily reverting!!!
|This section in a nutshell: Mythological creatures eat edit summaries.
The editcount Fairy is a mythical creature that lives on Wikipedia servers and eats edit summaries for a living. The more edits you do, the more the fairy can eat. Think of the fairies!
|This section in a nutshell: Never use them. Ever.
The edit summary boxes are just a bureaucratic device intended to reduce your EPD. Ignore them! (Certainly where there are default messages, entering additional information would be an implied slight to the folks who went to all the trouble of programming them.) (And yes, we know that this is in immediate contradiction to the Editcount Fairy section above. We will also not elaborate on this contradiction or attempt to fix it.)
The so-called "preview buttons" beneath the edit summary box are evil! They lower your EPD by showing you your spelling typos and mistakes that tempt you into fixing them in 1 edit! Don't! If you do not use them, you will have to fix your typos again and again and again (etc.) in an endless number of edits! Your EPD will soar to possibly over a googolplex! So basically, don't even look at them.
All is well with the server
|This section in a nutshell: Pigeons have a higher EPD than you.
The Wikipedia developer's opinion is that the editors shouldn't worry about causing too much server load:
|As a technical matter, it's (the developer's responsibility) to keep the system running well enough for what the sites require. (...) If and when we need to restrict certain things, we'll do so with technical measures.
So, if excessive edits ever become a problem, then the developers will wave their magic wand and they will solve it with a technical measure. See? There's nothing to be worried about. Now get back to artificially inflating your EPD, I can already hear it dropping below unacceptable levels while you are reading this instead of editing more!
Wikipedia developers, controlling the EPD at the servers
Your edit count is stored on the third chip from the top left
You are not a true Wikipedia editor until you destroy one of the servers with your edits!
- If you do this, you are really just a geek in denial. You will become even more of a geek when you realize you have to make up for the lost day of editing.
- "The technology behind Google's great results".